Diary of a bookworm

My Journey of Self-Discovery Through Romance Novels

A bit of background. I am 28 years old, and just recently graduated with my BA in History with a minor in Art History and Anthropology. It took me a long time and for the last five years I have been going non stop, taking a full load, summer school, an internship (at one point), and a full time job. Needless to say, I went balls to the wall for a long time and was pretty burnt out. This last spring, I finally graduated and I felt a freedom I haven’t felt in FOREVER. I spent the first month and a half catching up on television, playing video/phone games and honestly, just vegging out without some sort of deadline on my shoulders. By the end of July (literally July 31st), I had watched enough television and decided to go back to my first love, books.

After watching all the After movies (by Anna Todd), I fell in love and started reading the books. I read all four books in six days. I had officially picked up my first (or four) romance novel (via kindle unlimited) and have not stopped since. The book binge began and I was reading a book a day (about 315 pgs each). I’ve been living and breathing romance and it’s been AMAZING!

Here’s the thing though. I grew up in a conservative household. I never watched seriously explicit shows/movies. Even at 28, I still don’t. I’m not a nun, maybe whatever comes after a nun… Because of my conservative childhood and a choice I made for myself, I am still a virgin, and NOT ashamed about it. I’ve always felt uncomfortable when people talk about sex. Not that it was taboo just that I was a prude. (I can be honest with myself). Of course I’ve been curious. I’m a woman, with a healthy libido..

Anywhozers, after reading the After series, which for those who don’t know, the heroine is an inexperienced virgin and the hero is a very experienced man. To say my eyes were opened wide is an UNDERSTAMENT. Not only were my eyes opened wide, but so was my mouth.. with a whole lotta drool. 🤤 Yeah… I learned things I NEVER knew anything about. I’m gonna sound like a young lady from a regency novel… but I had no idea about what went on in a marriage bedroom. I sure do now! 🔥

After the After series I read my first Meghan Quinn novel: So Not Meant to Be. I had no idea that it had descriptive sex scenes. But that was soon discovered when I spent half the novel feeling like I was sitting in a sauna 🥵. I’ve never read something and been so turned on before! Meghan Quinn just has this amazing ability to make you fall in love, get your pulse racing and laugh your ass off at the same time.

So began what I like to think of as my self-discovery and sexual awakening. Can you have a sexual awakening without ever having ANY kind of sex? You sure can! I’ve read more novels in the last 2 1/2 months than most people have in their entire lives (54 novels) and while not all of them have had sex in them, they have all had LOVE in them. I grew up in a broken home, and while I’ve always been a hopeful romantic, I’ve also always been jaded a bit when it came to relationships.

Reading 54 different love stories has provided me with 54 different perspectives on love. I’ve read about broken families, lasting friendships, second chances, true love, non-broken ‘normal’ families, self discovery, self acceptance, sacrifice and of course, heartbreak. But throughout all these books there’s always one thing – everlasting love. Jane Austen once said that she always wrote happy endings in her novels because she wanted to write what she knew she was never going to have. She was able to live a bit of her happy ending through her novels. That’s what I’ve been able to do through these books.

I’ve lived 54 lives in the last 2 1/2 months and it has helped me understand who I am, who I want to be, and who I want my future partner to be. Not just physically, but mentally and sexually too. Jane Austen wrote it best when she said “You have bewitched me body and soul”. Now, even more, I can’t wait to find my own happy ending.

Do you have your own story with books?